dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
