I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We smell like vodka and hangover
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