I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
