Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
