and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize