In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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