Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
