Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
