I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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