So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
