The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
