Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
