Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
