I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
