There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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