i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
