I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
