that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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