i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
