Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
