I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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