this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
