Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
