So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
