The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
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