he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize