Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize