nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
