and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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