I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
People in love make me want to vomit
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
