he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
