Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize