thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
