you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
being pregnant is like rehab
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize