Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize