i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
