What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Me too!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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