My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
home. puking in laundry basket.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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