i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
They took my balls.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
