i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I fill condoms, not promises.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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