Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
