Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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