don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
