I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You left your phone here
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