Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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