apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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