i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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