So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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