Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
