Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
