I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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