I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
