I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
