Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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