hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize