Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
