Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
