i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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