I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
