Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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