a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Randomize
