I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
