you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
