I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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