He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
