I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
