I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
