i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
