I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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