hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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