We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
