He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
