I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So apparently I’m into choking now
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